It wasn’t until Geetha was packing her things the following the day that the thought of that young man named Anand who was supposedly interested in her came back to her mind. She sighed, but with nobody watching, she allowed herself to let go of a slight smile, before continuing to pack her belongings to make her way out of the office. She knows that this is nothing but a consolation prize. Nothing would come of it, she knows that much, at least she could brag about tha fact that a young man is interested in her. But he wouldn’t be interested anymore, if he thinks over the matter for a few hours, and knows everything about her rocky past, her current status, and the complications that such a marriage would bring.
She made her way out of the door slowly, her hands full with her bags and so on, and then she froze. Standing in front of her was a man who was staring at the signboard of the law firm. She turned around. Geetha and Associates. “You own the damn thing?” he asked. It was Anand, standing and asking a question as if he is a well-known friend who has just gone out of touch for a while. She did not know how to answer him, why he was here, and every other question related to his presence. She just froze. This was supposed to be a joke. If he is serious in pursuing her, he must be out of his mind. Why is he trying to defy nature? And she knew what that question meant. He is trying to do the very thing she thought he will never have the guts to do- to genuinely try and know more about her. He is treating this like its more than a physical crush. “Yeah I do,” she said, staring at him. “And that’s my name.”
“I know that much,” now he was looking at her, and he was smiling. “Can I walk you till your car?” he asked. The first thing that crossed Geetha’s mind, while nodding to his question, is that he will definitely give the same blurred, dumbfounded reaction when he sees her car later. And he did exactly that.
“You drive this? I thought Karthi was exaggerating,” he said, staring at her sports-edition Mercedes a little while. He allowed herself to chuckle a little this time. She found him cute. “It looks you need to deal with a lot of shock,” she said. “Listen,” she moved closer to him, “you seem like a very good person. It’ll be nice to be friends with you, to be your well-wisher. We can get to know each other, be friends, everything, but why don’t you just drop the big bang idea you have about me in your mind?” she asked.
His eyes were still wide open. “I’m not after your…whatever…lifestyle, wealth, if that’s what making you speak like this,” he said. “That idea, frankly, did not cross my mind, yet,” she replied. “Why can’t it happen?” he finally asked the question that was the main reason for him to come all the way to her office to meet her. “Why?’ he repeated.
“You know the numbers,” she said. “Yeah, they are just numbers,” he retorted. “I’ll get old much earlier than you will, you might find a new spark with someone else as soon as I turn 40, how on earth do I trust you?” she asked. “Wait, that’s another stage altogether. The question here is, I like you, and do you like me?” he asked back.
She sighed. “Okay, let’s talk,” she said, leaving her behind her car and starting to walk. He smiled in a sprout of excitement. She knew how he would have reacted though she did not see it. “Don’t get excited, I’m sure you’ll drop the idea after we talk,” she said. But his heart wouldn’t listen. He jogged behind her slightly and walked right beside her.
Geetha had never done this before, nor did she think the time would ever come for her to do something like this, at least not after everything that has happened in her life. Here she is, preparing to confide in a 23-year-old in a way she has never done, not even with her own brother, in hopes that he would shy away from her after this. His interest in her defies nature, logic and all comfort zones. How will she walk around telling people that her partner is 11 years younger to her? It would seem awkward and will attract even more attention, and unwittingly he will garner much much more attention if it happens. It might all break down as soon as it starts. This is as ridiculous as an idea gets.
“I know you think I’m strong, very verbal, straight to the point, professional, and you might have liked all this,” she said. “But you should understand that I am in my mid-30s, and that I have had so many years in my life in which anything could have happened. I can’t summarize my life, but if you think I’m all perfect, then you are wrong. If you think I never had relationships before, you are very wrong. If you think I don’t have fear and insecurities or wounds for that matter, all from my past, once again you are extremely wrong,” she explained. “I know it all sounds very disturbing, but that is how the truth sounds at times, and that’s what I’m prepared to tell you. If the idea of it itself sounds disturbing, how will the real thing sound? That is why I’m telling you, you are making a big mistake. At your age, it might seem that everything is possible, but from where I stand, I see things realistically,” she added.
He was listening to her explanation quietly, with a small smile carved on his face. He seemed calm; he ahd thought about everything Geetha is explaining to her right now and he is prepared to listen, and now that she is prepared to tell, the signs are good for him. “Do tell, I would like to listen,” he said.
And then Geetha unfolded her life.
It was drizzling lightly, as Geetha sat on the pavement and stretched her muscles after a long day at work. She was expecting someone. Everything in life seemed good now, she had a stable rising in her career, and her personal life seemed to be in a good stead as well. He ran over and kissed her on the cheeks, his shirt half-wet in the drizzle. “I can’t find parking,” he said, trying to dry himself up a little. She looked at him, wearing a broad smile. With his shades, his branded watch, the bouquet of roses in his hands, he looked every bit like the macho hero every girl would dream of in their teenage-hood. He spoke English with a British slang, was UK-educated, and he was 27. She was 25. They were so in love that nothing else mattered. Not even religion. “Amir,” she said. “Do sit, it’s raining, it’s nice,” she said, pointing to a small space to sit beside her. He smiled, and he held her hands, and then sat beside her. “It’s nice isn’t it?” she asked. He looked at her. “You are nice,” he said. “Shut up,” she retorted. That was the perfect life, watching nature drizzle upon them with no pressure attached, nothing to chase after, a comfortable life where money was not going to be a problem. And that love was there, with all of its sweet-talking. They have been together for a year. He was in and out of UK, where he also has a home and has earmarked it to be their future home. He has a small business running there with his friends, while he lives a comfortable life back in Malaysia.
“I have good news,” he said, maintaining the smile he had on his face, while looking intently at her. “She said yes?” Geetha asked back. He nodded. She was surprised. She did not expect her life to be this good- to be too good to be true. There seemed to be so many obstacles she would need to face in order to make this work in the first place, but their journey has been anything but rocky. He flirted, wooed and coaxed her. She gave in. They were together for a year, and now they were at this pavement- with him telling that he has managed to convince his mother of all people to agree to their official union. There were cultural and religious borders that needed to be broken, but none of that seemed like a problem here. His mom has said yes. She needed her own mom to say yes now. To more of her surprise, she too said yes.
For all of the stern opposition she thought she would receive from her mom, her mom seemed convinced that Geetha was making the right decision. Geetha was so surprised that she asked her mom why she did not bother to offer even a little form of opposition. “Look Geetha, you chose your path all your life, you did good in all of them. True, we guided you, but you made choices, you were very stubborn, you had things your way, and it always served you good. You told me that you love him, you want to be with him; you are prepared to face the consequences, and you have good time together. It’s a little hard, but if you are sure, you would help assure us,” she said. Her father, in his usual sporty manner, allowed his child to make her own decision, a practice of his ever since both Geetha and Yuva were young.
It was that particular summer that Geetha had travelled with Amir to UK to see their so-called dream house. And then everything crumbled. They had arguments. He said he never had a relationship before because he was afraid of commitment. It was convenient for him to have a relationship from the far land, not to spend all the time together, to have that comfortable distance between each other. Not getting too personal. Geetha was the same. She was successful even at a young age, she had her dreams to pursue, and never seemed like the one who will be devoted to her loved one all the time. But deep inside, that was what she wanted. She gave in to his wooing because he had said things like she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. She felt important. It was vital because he wasn’t talking about seeing each other or keeping options open, he was talking about love. If he loves her so much, he would be worth being with, she thought. But that summer in UK she knew some men could woo all they want and never actually mean what they said. And once he urged that they should keep options open. He expressed frustration without trying to take care of her heart. She was independent in nature, but she was prepared to sacrifice things for love that she thought very few people in the world could afford to have. It was supposed to be a fairytale. She is prepared to break the borders to be with him, she was even prepared with all her conversion papers. Then one cold freezing morning, she packed her things.
She knew, after a whole week together, that a man like Amir is just as good as many men who woo her from time to time, only that those people don’t mince their words as good as Amir. She walked out of his country house, where Amir has hardly been home for the past two days. She could see everything that was wrong with the relationship- Amir never knew who he was. He never knew he was not the type of person who will stay in a country house for a whole year. He needed Geetha to find out that he isn’t as romantically inclined as he originally thought he was. “Amirul, I’m leaving,” she told him over the phone before switching it off. He wasn’t worth all those troubles she would have to go through just to be with him. Because he is just as normal as others, not a prince charming she thought he was. When she returned home, she wrote him a long letter as to why she felt she should end the relationship. She never went to UK after that.
Amir acknowledged her reasons, and three years later, got married. He came back in touch with her, wanting to be friends, claiming still that no-one saw his flaws the way she did. He expressed regret she did not bother trying to change, but rather shied away- that he would have listened. She argued that her heart should have been taken care of. He wanted her to stay around as a confidant, because she could best spot his troubles. She still does it till today. Amirul is 36, married, and has two kids. He still avoids bringing his wife whenever he sees her. Yet Geetha helps him make the most important decisions in his life.
Three years later exactly his mom had used her failed love story to convince her that arranged marriage is the way to go, because there aren’t anything special is men. His name was Rajiv, was a good-looking, reasonable-doing man. He talked well when they first met, and seemed smitten by her. But then he stopped her from attending dinner with a client. Everything was fine as long as she was the temple girl wearing elegant sarees and Indian outfits, but arguments would crop up every time she switches to her professional mode. He asked her to stay working under her mentor when she was set to start her own law firm. She was taken aback. She was persuaded into accepting his decision. Then she stood back and analysed. With minimal things in common, it wasn’t worth sacrificing her social self and her career progress to satisfy his dominant needs. Two weeks away from marriage, she called it off. His family being an influential one, did as much damage as they could by spreading an image of her as a wild spoilt woman in the eyes of other extensive relatives and known people among the traditional Indian families. Nobody was much interested in considering her as a potential bride in any of their searches. She felt like a fish that was waiting to be picked out of the pond. She was much better than that. So she swam back in, and decided she would be herself. She asked her mom not to look grooms for her anymore.
“One did not like my personality and the other, I don’t know what to say,” she said. “There is no prince charming in this world,” she added, looking at Anand. She knew the question he was about to ask. “I don’t think I can fall in love, because I’ve lost faith,” she explained. Anand knew it all depended on him now.
“Look at our differences Anand, it’s the same. I have to make adjustments to be with you, so many things will be altered. Would it be worth that? What if it turns out just to be like the others?” she asked back. Anand got a little offended by that question. “I’m not saying you are like them, but you never actually know till you are there, you knew had a relationship before,” she explained. Anand felt vulnerable. He doubted if Geetha’s words might have truth in them. But above all, he knew one thing. He would be able to alter himself if he has insecurities that harm their relationships. Insecurities are meant to be diminished, not to be cultivated. “We can talk, worse come worse,” he insisted. “You will not give up, would you?” she asked back, sighing, half-smiling. “I haven’t seen a reason why I should. You told me I might to do so after your stories, but I still don’t,” he said.
“I have to make sacrifices in order to be with you as well. And I’m prepared.”
“But I can’t take another failed relationship.”
“You won’t know until you give it a chance.”
She sighed again. He is determined to break the wall that she had so carefully built around herself. “Fine, marry me then,” she said. He was sipping coffee and coughed so loud that he messed the whole table. “See?” she said, smiling. “Just to think about marrying me gives you a shock while it should be giving you delight,” she added.
“Fine, fine, ask me again,” he retorted.
“No, it doesn’t work that way,” she began walking away from the table to the counter. He stood dumbfounded as she paid both of their bills and walked out. And then, he did something he thought he will never do, run after a woman.
“Yes, yes, I will marry you,” he said, panting.
“Oh, will you then?” she asked sarcastically, hands on hips. “You think so?” she added.
“Yes yes,” she insisted.
“Well talk to your mom first of all,” she said. “Maybe while trying to convince her why you want to marry someone 11 years older to you, you would know what you are getting into,” she said, and continued walking.
“Fine,” he said.
She looked back at him in disbelief, chuckled, smiled, and brushed him off.
“Fine,” he repeated to himself. “Very fine.”
But at the bottom of his heart, he had no clue where this whole episode is heading to.