I have something to say to the Malaysian government- you better darn approve good scripts and stop the content restriction you guys have, or not, you better just stop approving Tamil films (Indian films generally) to be shot in Malaysia- at least, please listen to the script before agreeing for the sake of ‘Tourism Malaysia’.

In the last few years, of movies that were extensively shot in Malaysia, only Ajith’s Billa and Kamal’s Dasavatharam did any good business. The others (like the recent Thilalang-whatever-di, the bird-kissing superhero Kuruvi, Puthukottai Saravanan) have all failed miserably.

Bad omen? Well, nothing is just an omen when it shows a clear pattern.

These films fail because they were shot miserably, and they showed Malaysia in all the wrong way.

Why do Tamil filmmakers love to make botched attempts of saying ‘lah’ in the middle of their dialogues just because their characters are supposed to be Malaysians? Do something when you know how to do it. Don’t insert a lah just because you think it is ‘cool’. It’s embarrassing. Being a Malaysian takes years and years of practice, so if you want proper lahs, find a proper, hardcore bangsa Malaysia and ask him or her how to use lah. Don’t let these filmmakers be too smart for their own pants.

And in every such film, the police have to be there. And my, the way they would portray our policemen. Well, I still wonder why India never sues their own filmmakers because they show policemen like a bunch of comedic pieces.

Digest this scene: The hero is rounded up by cops- He is talking at a phone booth and the Malaysian cops have rounded him left and right. He raises his hands to give up, and all of a sudden, he runs and escapes. That was supposed to be a trick- raising his hands and then sprinting off. And the cops (mainly consisting of sub-par local Indian talents) will give a meek run and the scene would end.

Now, I won’t get annoyed with this lack of respect that they show while portraying Malaysia, in fact, if you want to shoot a chase scene, you need to make a mockery of the police no matter from which country- but I will get annoyed when you let these movies tarnish your Tourism Malaysia bandwagon while you refuse to accept and diversify your own movies.

Why try to earn through overseas movies? Why not our own movies?

If only our leaders are not so fickle as to impose a content restriction on our movies, our industry could thrive too. What is the point of driving the Malaysian film industry forward when you say you need at least ’70 per cent Malay content’?

It’s like buying a Ferrari, sticking a brick into each of its exhausts, and desperately yelling at the driver to rev up because the thing won’t move. Real smart. Well, as one potential driver, I might as well flash a middle finger and walk off. Jerks.

There are many here who have the brimming potential to make films that can match international standards if provided with proper resources, yet they would not acknowledge us while we are here.

When we go away from the country, they talk of brain drain, talk of people not helping the country, and talk of other nations reaping the benefits of Malaysia’s seeds.

Well, every seed belongs to the whole world. If the lands that gave birth to the seed never bothered to take proper care and nourish it, it has no rights to run and make announcements to the world that the seed is theirs after another land gives the seed an opportunity to turn into a tree.

Few years down the road, if I were across the sea, I’d slap any politicians who come claiming I’m their right. Again, I’ll flash, with a smirk of my face this time.

I’ll see how their 70 per cent content mannerisms work then.

Coming back to the topic of movies- the next time I see a group of posh Tamil actors in and around KL shooting wearing fancy dresses, I’ll run all the way to them, just to shoot them and walk off.

Dresses are designed for occasions; not to be worn in every single scene you have in a movie. Especially when the movie gets shot in Malaysia, this happens a lot. That other day I saw Tamanna donning a dress for every scene that she shot in Malaysian shores. Get real. Just because the team comes here and can walk into a Dorothy Perkins store under the name of clothing budget doesn’t mean you shoot every scene with every cloth you can lay your hands off. Save it for your parties and occasions. We watch movies to get entertainment, not a bloody fashion show. So bugger off.

I know much of the blame falls on the shoulders of the director, who has no presence of mind what so ever that he allows his heroines (might even demand) to wear such dresses which are totally out of character. So I might shoot the director myself, and go ahead and shoot the movie myself. It kills me till now to know that I can do better job than most of them yet still I only get to watch and comment while they commit mass murder and mental torture by serving us such annoying entertainment.

And stop shooting every bloody scene if front of KLCC! That’s not the only place in Malaysia you know. Worse still, we, the rightful civilians, get our accesses to scenic views blocked just because we are the people whilst the alien film-makers get to go and see everything for the love of their life. If anything, respect needs to be given to its rightful owners first. Visitors and visitors, and owners are owners. We own this country. But we hardly get that sense of ownership. I demand my sense of ownership.

On a lighter note, I hope those filmmakers will also start getting their grammar and vocabulary right.

India-vil naan oru most successful policeman.

Really? Without even getting the grammar right? And that’s your punch dialogue?

Who can forget T Rajendar’s English?

Just m asking only for your aauuuuurgument sake, suppose if I break and shake the physical or the mental fitness of the witness…whaaaat your stand ??

See, even my Microsoft Word shows so many red and green lines once I typed that piece out.

Shake the physical fitness? That’s vulgar.

With that, I rest my arguments.

Oh yeah, there’s a bonus part. Vijayakanth’s new movie ‘Viruthagiri’ is out. You wouldn’t want to miss the Captain’s movie right?

He directed it himself folks!

Here’s a punch dialogue from the movie:

Ennai porumaiya ireke vecha pudikum

(If you make me patient, I like),

En porumaiye sodicha

(If you test my patience)

After a bloody long pause..

Pidikathe

(I don’t like) Jeng Jeng Jeng.

« »